A few posts back, I waxed eloquently about my newfound love for Twitter.
As with most cases of puppy love, the infatuation has ended rather abruptly.
What can I say, I get bored easily. Until I met my husband, my longest relationship was a whopping 3 months. Anyone who knows me knows my love-hate relationship with social media, and that I love to dramatically de-activate my accounts. And that I’ll probably rejoin on a whim. And that I’ll probably delete my account again, even more dramatically. [**Note to any future employers: my short attention span with hobbies and relationships does not extend to the workplace. I will work until I die at my desk.]
Most importantly, I have already experienced my Social Media Moment on Twitter. Rick Bayless tweeted at me. Since the only celebrities I admire are those involved in the preparation of food, and because Rick Bayless is, well, Rick Bayless, this tweet was kind of a big deal. Oh, not only did he tweet at me, but he re-tweeted MY tweet, AND – he said I was hilarious. (Please pause to fully digest the utter ridiculousness of the preceding sentence.)
Folks, it’s just not going to get better than that. I’m quitting while I’m ahead. Besides, I only had about 10 legit followers, and 90% of my tweets were directed at one of my best friends while I simultaneously texted her.
Ordinarily one does not compile one’s own tribute, but Buzzfeed won’t return my calls. But I think this list resembles the one they are probably putting together feverishly, so I’ll go ahead and publish for them:
“15 Tweets By Someone Who Never Should Have Been Tweeting”:
1. One of my greatest moments of self-loathing: when I wake up the day after Thanksgiving and feel ridiculously hungry.
2. Every time I see Bob Costas on TV I get the Olympic theme song in my head.
3. Thanks meth producers – I left my ID at home so I couldn’t buy my allergy medicine today. #getarealjob
4. Was just told that I look like a little Barbie. #weekismade
5. I can’t keep up with all of the tweeting.
6. Oh what a pretty sunset – at 4:45 pm. And so it begins. #seasonalaffectivedisorder #imissyousun
7. Twitter just suggested I might want to follow JCPenney. Apparently Twitter isn’t fooled by my wannabe haute couture self.
8. Really hope this eye twitch calms down or things are going to get weird at my bar admission ceremony today
9. Remember when Amazon Prime didn’t exist and ordering a last-minute mullet wig was out of the question?
10. I just drove to my law school. Which would be fine except that I’m not in law school anymore, and I’m supposed to be picking up my husband.
11. You’re so fancy you gargle saltwater made with Himalayan sea salt
12. Went to bed with my hair wet last night. Woke up looking like an overgrown poodle.
13. It’s a good day when the TSA woman says you look like “I Dream of Jeannie.” #TSA #travel #timeforhereyeexam
14. Forget Baby on Board – I’m driving with extreme caution because I just picked up a glorious batch of Sprinkles cupcakes.
15. Why do I always wait until the morning of my dentist appt to get serious about flossing?
Below, you will find evidence of my social media moment. And, I’m out.